So, it has been a while, my apologies. I have finally undergone the surgery the take out the remainder of the tumor as well as the spot they found on my other leg, and had the biopsy on my lymph nodes...both legs are cancer free now but unfortunately, the cells have spread to my lymph nodes so things change. This little stint away from morning thoughts has been the longest I have been away since I began them almost 15 years ago and I am so mixed about it all. I have been doing them for so long, just for me, and in hopes that something I say will help, inspire, touch or just make someone else smile and I think that's been relatively successful. Now, I find myself in a position where I need them more than ever, but can't bring myself to get to them. The drugs I am on make it nearly impossible for me to read and my nerves have my sleep schedule all messed up...the last thing on my mind is getting on the computer to do my quotes. It makes me sad.
I am also struggling with everything I have been taught and have believed up to this point. I have always followed Norman Vincent Peale and his philosophy, as well as one of my favorites Ralph Waldo Emerson with regard to staying positive and creating positive from positive thoughts, actions etc but after this last set back, I am questioning everything. My husband, family and I did not for a second entertained the notion that it could have spread. We spent the last few weeks embracing one another, knowing that all would be ok. It was like hitting a fucking brick wall when speaking with my surgeon yesterday...I am not sure I even believe it now. So, I guess while I go down this path of continued surgery and treatments, I will be contemplating how to best make sense of everything around me, how I am a part of things (like the universe, family, community, etc) and hope that the answers I find can provide some comfort. I have always felt that people make tons of excuses for things...and I have always tried to stay away from being "that" person. I want to face this stuff head on and do whatever I can to fight it...just not sure how. So, this may or may not be my last post for a while. I have to find a way to shield my son from my misery, fear and pain and try to be a Mom and wife...try and not worry about whether or not I will get paid...try and heal, be happy and true to myself. Now I am overwhelmed...much love to all of you and as always; be kind, be well, be love, be forgiving, be thankful, be authentic and be peace. Namaste~mama F
"Survive now, cry later."~Unknown
"Sky above me. Earth below me. Fire within me."~Unknown
"You and cancer walk into a room. How many in the room? Just one. One wise, amazing, living person. Even when you're at your weakest and most vulnerable, cancer is still nothing compared to you."~Jo Hilder
"An arrow can only be shot by pulling it backward. So, when life is dragging you back with difficulties it means that it's going to launch you into something great. So just focus, and keep aiming."~Unknown
"You need help. That doesn't mean you're helpless.
You need hope. That doesn't mean you're hopeless.
You need reassurance. That doesn't mean you're self-obsessed.
Relax.
You're doing great.
Everything you're hoping for is on its way."~Jo Hilder
You have been, and will continue to be on both of our thoughts as you fight. You are a precious soul who has not only journeyed far but have helped many others through their own travels and trials. You will have many people sending you their love and energy...for all the times you have given yours it is now your turn to receive.
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