3.28

Good evening all- had to check in after getting in my head a bit about not getting pedicures. Yes, I said that...I actually thought the other day after learning I had gotten the wrong compression garment yet again...if I can't get pedicures and wear flip flops, I'm done. Yup, that was all it would take to send me over the edge, not being able to wear flip flops. So...I thought about what it might be like if I had to lose my leg all together or God forbid it spread to my organs and I was working on a bucket list instead of planning a celebratory trip to Scotland and then I saw the absurdity of it all! I'm really trying to work on changing my perspective...can you tell?! So, no pedicures for me any time soon. Can't have the massage on my calf, the hose will ruin any pretty colors I would get and quite honestly, it's just not worth the headache of taking the damn garment on and off. I have naked toes...I'll get over it. Hopeful you are laughing now...it's just too ridiculous not to laugh! Enjoy your evenings y'all. Go hug someone or tell someone you love them (and mean it!). As always; be kind, be well, be love, be forgiving, be thankful, be authentic, be happy and be peace. Namaste~mama F

"Build upon strengths, and weaknesses will gradually take care of themselves."~Joyce C. Lock

"A strong woman believes that she's strong enough to face her journey, but a woman of strength has faith that it is in this journey that she will become strong..."~Unknown

"Promise yourself to be so strong that nothing can disturb your peace of mind. To talk health,  happiness, and prosperity to every person you meet."~Christian D. Larson

"It is worth remembering that the time of greatest gain in terms of wisdom and inner strength is often that of greatest difficulty."~Dalai Lama

"Life isn't meant to be easy, it's meant to be lived...sometimes happy, other times rough. But with every up and down you learn lessons that make you strong."~Nishan Panwar

3.27 part deux

Hehe, afternoon all- I had to touch base and get this out because I am clearly still bothered by my mornings experience. Scheduled was "chemo training" and I didn't know much more than that. I had a feeling it would be a group of people but couldn't be sure so I just sat and waited diligently, knitting and listening to the quiet lull of cancer patients waiting to be seen by someone. Immediately after recognizing the beauty in the silence, a family of 5 walks in louder than life, disturbing the peace. I got in my head and told myself "Fran, you don't know where this family is in 'their journey' so cut them some slack" but quite honestly I just got more and more annoyed. Then I am called up, along with this damn family. One of the women pats my back and consoles me on being alone, I assured her I left my loved ones at home on purpose...then I went in, sat down and continued to knit. I was annoyed the entire time I was begin schooled on what chemotherapy was going to be like.  I still don't know why this whole thing has gotten to me the way it has...I just knew I needed to get out of there. I got my date set with oncologist  and nurse for the first treatment on 4/9 and went downstairs to pick up the drugs. Yeah, not there. They were sent back...breathe, breathe, breathe....ok, no worries, please reorder them thank you. Off to Mom's to pick up mistletoe...lovely quick visit (Mom's make everything better, if even for a moment)...then off to my massage...score! I went to another place all together as my amazing massage therapist worked his magic on my broken body. I am still quite high from todays massage..thank you very much Edward! Scored some Frank Turner tickets for 6/ 6 (my 40th) right down the street at Rams Head and hey, Frightened Rabbit is in 11 days. What's there REALLY to complain about, right?! Thanks for listening and as always; be kind, be well, be love, be forgiving, be thankful, be authentic, be happy and be peace. Namaste~Mama F

"There are two types of people in this world; those who see things happen and those who make things happen."~Alex Mwila

"Don't wait for someone else to make things happen for you. Make it happen for yourself."~Nick Cannon

"If you want something you've never had you've got to do something you've never done."~Unknown

"If you  never chase what you want, you'll never get it. If you never ask, the answer is always no. If you never step forward, you'll always be in the same place."~Nishan Panwar

"Expand your mind, challenge yourself, learn more, do more and try more. Get enthusiastic, passionate and excited about the unknown. Try something new, visit new places, dance to the latest beats. SImply get out and give it all and you will never stop growing, smiling and loving life. "~Ricardo Housham

morning thoughts 3.27

Morning all- fell asleep last night despite my body trying its hardest to resist. Looking forward to a quick and informative chemo training this morning followed hopefully by Xander's Easter Egg Hunt at Federal Hill Park. This was the first year I have ever stuffed plastic Easter eggs....not sure how I feel about it : ) I guess there's those people who get huffy about Christmas being about gifts and not Christ....if I were a Christian I might take issue with the Easter bunny and candy eggs but since I'm not, I'll roll with it. Not too much more to say...happy Wednesday and as always; be kind, be well, be love, be forgiving, be thankful, be authentic, be happy and be peace. Namaste~ Mama F

"Never be bullied into silence. Never allow yourself to be made a victim. Accept no one's definition of your life, but define yourself."~Harvey S. Firestone

"An education isn't how much you have committed to memory, or even how much you know. It's being able to differentiate between what you know and what you don't."~Anatole France

"You can't separate peace from freedom because no one can be at peace unless he has his freedom."~Malcolm X

"When people talk, listen completely. Most people never listen."~Ernest Hemingway

"Happiness comes of the capacity to feel deeply, to enjoy simply, to think freely, to risk life, to be needed."~Storm Jameson

Evening thoughts 3.26 good ones : )

Evening all- today was a LANDMARK day! I have been so worried and anxiety ridden over spending too much time away from home and the comforts of being laid up. A good friend asked to take Xander to Port Discovery with another friend and her son and I thought i owed it to all of us to at least try...so I went. We had a BLAST!!! It was much less walking than I had thought it would be and I was able to really rest intermittently. It was great conversation and it was just wonderful seeing my boy play so cooperatively with his friend. There was no yelling, no opposition, it was just a lovely day. After the play date, I went to my lymphedema specialist who gave me a full manual lymph drainage massage and   had me measured for a custom day leg garment and a nighttime garment. While they area both bulky as hell and probably hot as hell, they are much more comfortable and should provide me with a great deal of relief and for that, I am thankful! FOund some good quotes to end the day with....enjoy and as always; be kind, be well, be love, be forgiving, be thankful, be authentic, be happy and be peace. Namaste~mama F

"Let us be grateful to the people who make us happy; they are the charming gardeners who make our souls blossom."~Marcel Proust

"True forgiveness is when you can say, 'Thank you for that experience.'"~Oprah Winfrey

"Do not spoil what you have by desiring what you have not; remember that what you now have was once among the things you only hoped for."~Epicurus

"Cultivate the habit of being grateful for every good thing that comes to you, and to give thanks continuously. And because all things have contributed to your advancement, you should include all things in your gratitude."~Ralph Waldo Emerson

"If the only prayer you said was thank you, that would be enough."~Meister Eckhart

Evening thoughts 3.24

Good evening all- today was a great day and I'm surprising myself by saying that because I was in a lot of pain today throughout. I got sleep last night and that is probably the thing that made the day start out so perfectly! Andrew got up with Xander and let me sleep a bit longer. I woke up just after 9 (MIRACLE) and they were headed out to the store. What? Time? On a Sunday morning? Yes...I got to watch Meet the Press with my coffee....a small pleasure but keep in mind, when I am fortunate enough to enjoy MTP, I am immediately transported back to Churchill Street and that best time in my life before my marriage. Small things...small things. After enjoying my show, the boys got home and we cleaned house together. Small things again but my bookshelf had been bothering me for so long and with a visually impaired husband, it was something I needed to fix not ask him to take care of.  So, I made it the way I wanted it after so many months of just sitting on it....that felt great! We had our wonderful friends over for a playdate/lunch and as always, that was perfect. The night ended with a dinner at Meet 27 with my Aunt and Uncle, 2 cousins (one on West Coast, one in VT), Ma, Pa, Andrew and Xander. It was phenomenal! The energy presence, the smiles, the love being exchanged was just out of this world. I hate the whole "gifts cancer has given me" stuff but boy do I feel that way tonight...all the way. Enjoy YOUR night...week...and as always; be kind, be well, be love, be forgiving, be thankful, be authentic, be happy and be peace. Namaste~mama F

"Make all you can, save all you can, give all you can."~John Wesley

"The more you know, the less you need."~Aboriginal Saying

"Worrying is a misuse of imagination."~Dan Zadra

"A hug is a wonderful thing. It makes you feel wanted, needed, and loved all at the same time."~Gregory Garcia and Dan Coscino

"Nature magically suits a man to his fortunes, by making them the fruit of his character."~Ralph Waldo Emerson

afternoon thoughts

Good afternoon all! So, today I saw a few things I found remarkable....First, driving to meet my Mom I saw a gentleman stop in his tracks, step back and fully take in one of Baltimore's loveliest monuments down by M.I.C.A. I was kinda bummed I had a car behind me as I wanted to stop and take it all in a bit longer. Then, I spied a magical door on Druid Hill...I must have passed it a thousand times but today something was different. On the same street where we saw a blatant drug deal just the other day, I saw a young man smiling a giant smile after speaking to a young lady...it was touching. Lastly, I saw a grandfather, son and grandson leaving school together...hand in hand crossing MLK, it was beautiful.  It has been recommended to me more than once to keep a gratitude journal during this journey (really a practice I suppose would be helpful to anyone at any time, not just during trying times). So I am not going to kid myself and say I'm going to do this daily...I know I won't. I had every intention of jumping back into my morning thoughts full steam ahead.....then my meds got changed, I stopped sleeping, starting vomiting and forgot. I am getting to a place where my only demand on myself is to be honest with myself and my family and to do my best so that's what I'm doing here. I'm going to do my best to try and see beauty all around me. I want to try my best to stop and appreciate those beautiful things I see and hopefully I will be able to share them : )

I have been thinking recently about the chemo that lies ahead. I finally got a start date and we are doing this. I think the anticipation is worse than the treatment will be or rather, I am making it so. I am working on this to alleviate my stress surrounding what it will be like and damnit, when it happens, I am going to take it in stride. And if I don't, that's ok too. I know everyone is well intentioned when saying "keep fighting", "don't give up", etc. but if you know me, you know that is not an option. It just isn't.  I may get down just like everyone else, but giving up is not a choice for me. All that being said, as always; be kind, be well, be love, be forgiving, be thankful, be authentic, be happy and be peace. Namaste~ Mama F

"Luck is what you have left over after you give 100%."~Langston Coleman

"Learning to ignore things is one of the great paths to inner peace."~Robert J. Sawyer

"There are worse things than looking stupid. Sleeping through life is one of them."~Laura Preble

"More often than not, a hero's most epic battle is the one you never see; it's the battle that goes on within him or herself."~Kevin Smith

"Character is forged in the smallest of struggles. Then, when the big challenges come, we're ready."~Waiter Rant

been a while : )

Good morning all- So, went to the oncologist yesterday and no evidence of any new tumors growing in my body....HUGE WIN! I have to meet with some folks at Hopkins to have "chemo training" so I know what to do and how to do it.  Not looking forward to chemo but looking forward to living so trying to take the good with the bad. I trust my oncologist and finally have a GP I can trust so that's that. Here are some quotes to hopefully get your day started...I know I needed them! Blessings and as always; be kind, be well, be love, be forgiving, be thankful, be authentic, be happy and be peace. Namaste~mama F

"I don't know if anything in nature ever grows exactly the same, but they are always exactly as the way it should be, perfectly itself."~Bob Ross

"Everything is a life lesson. Everyone you meet, everything you encounter, etc. They're all part of the learning experience we call 'life'. Never forget to acknowledge the lesson, especially when things don't go your way. If you don't get a job that you wanted or a relationship doesn't work, it only means something better is out there waiting. And the lesson you just learned is the first step towards it."~Unknown

"Keep on going and the chances are you will stumble on something, perhaps when you are least expecting it. I have never heard of anyone stumbling on something sitting down."~Charles F. Kettering

"Do not be awe struck by other people and try to copy them. Nobody can be you as efficiently as you can. "~Norman Vincent Peale (my man!)

"Could we change our attitude, we should not only see life differently, but life itself would come to be different. Life would undergo a change of appearance because we ourselves had undergone a change in attitude."~Katherine Mansfield (surprised by the author here)